Not long ago, I found myself standing in Target trying to decide which motif looked less hideous on you. I know! I know! Everyone goes through their retro phase. But forty years of being stuck in the sixties? Yes – this explains all those times I left you sitting in the car because I was just too embarrassed to walk through the door with you looking like that. And perhaps all those times you found yourself hidden under magazines and books when I had guests over for dinner.

Kleenex Expressions Oval Tissues by Kleenex.

As soon as I tossed you to the curb, I realized I should have been more understanding. After all, you had always been there for me every time I broke up with my boyfriend, watched Steel Magnolias for the hundredth time, got back together with my boyfriend or caught that nasty flu thing after one too many international flights. But I wasn’t sure how much more retro my modern life could take.

After several days it became very apparent that I just couldn’t live without you any longer. With wallet in hand, I set out for the nearest Target to find you – even if it meant buying my way back into your life! And when I first laid eyes on you, I would have sworn I was in the home accessories aisle. I looked right and then left. Yes – this was definitely the paper towel / garbage bag / disposable diaper / Kleenex aisle.

Wow! Your fresh new look just blew me away. You are no longer sporting those rigid rectilinear lines that I have grown so accustomed to. Your new oval shape is so much more refreshing and well . . . I just love those sexy new curves. (The designers at Kimberly-Clark were really thinking outside the box this time). And your new attire? What’s not to like about bold modern prints in an array of Zen-like colors?

I was so captivated with your new image that I decided to check out your personal Kleenex website to see what else Kimberly and Clark might have up their sleeves for you. Get this! They are letting anyone customize your appearance. Did you know about this? God forbid those same people responsible for those My Space heart-filled page backgrounds find out about this.

In the mean time, welcome home! I hope you don’t mind if I sit you next to my little art collection on the fireplace mantel.